Well I know that my dad is mad at me at the current moment. But who isn't mad at me who isn't a major part of my life?
All I really need anyways is my Mama, my siblings, step dad, my aunt, my should-a been sister Ammi & my should-a been step mama Aaryka. At least with them I don't have to worry about them hurting me and turning their back on me unlike my other family.
My thoughts on my dad getting all butt hurt about his 'wife" being called a couu... well first off I could care less if she was his wife or not. That woman is going to live forever and when my dad passes I know my life will be hell having to put up with her.
First off the woman is the real reason I didn't grow up with my dad. They lived in places where she had family and always keep in amazingly good contact with her family but when was the last time I got good quality time with my father? Oh yeah, when I was 16, 4-5 years ago. And even that blowed.
She cannot respect anyone but herself. Which is bull shit.
Fuck- A I hate people who are selfish, manipulative and plain out idiotic.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Dear Mom [April 12th]
Dear Mom,
What a day. You would never guess what I did. Well... you maybe have. You always know what I do. I have been a good enviromentalist! But today has been good for the most part.
Listening to Tyler Ward ( http://www.youtube.com/user/TylerWardMusic#p/u/5/-QRAa7_NeIE ) which he is awesome! I would have his babies any day of the week - actually not really but I would love to reproduce with him and his great body but minus the having his babies haha. Thought you would love to know that. Maybe you didn't... oh well. You gotta agree, he is damn fine. And he lives here in Colorado. :D
Now I know I must answer then annoying parental question (by the way, does this change when I move out? I would love you forever if that does): What have I learned today? You're gonna love this.
So I learned that Odontophobia is the fear of teeth. I would hate to be afraid of my teeth. And fake teeth... those things are already creepy enough as it is. Like that one time on American Pie: Book of Love when the old lady took them out so blow that one guy who couldn't get any... yeah... and then she died on his you know what.... thats a shitty way to die, just saying.
Yeah, uh-huh you know what it is . Black & Yellow Black & Yellow Black & Yellow Black & Yellow. Just needed to get that out.
I also learned that according to suicide statistics, Monday is the favored day for self-destruction. Now why Monday? Thats a shitty day. I would go with Wednesday. It's known as hump day. You were just done humping every week so you made it to the final hump and couldn't take it anymore. That would be the perfect reason. Well not really but still.
The most money ever paid for a cow in an auction was $1.3 million. Now, I hope to god a certain person didn't spend that much money on the cow they bought. Thats a rip off. Do you know how much off their shit we deal with. You can't recycle it!
Cats can hear ultrasound. How the hell do they know that? Do they have talking cats? I am not talking about catwoman.
I need to actually write a blog one day with an actual purpose.... NAH!
This man above is amazing. That is Tyler Ward. I would be down for him. Just saying. He is great looking, has a voice that would melt my heart and make me do anything for him. I would cook him dinner and you know I do nothing but bitch about cooking. Thats how good looking he is. :D
Questions before I go pass out in my room:
1. Now I know it's not normal to ask this mom but do you think people would think I am weird and be afraid if I barked at everyone who passes me tomorrow? I wanna really try that out.
2. What sounds better: Pasta or Philly Steaks?
3. If vodka was water and I was a duck, could I swim to the bottom and never come up? No water's not vodka and I'm not a duck. What the fuck ever, I need a duck.
Ah my life.
I <3 You mama.
Your weird child
What a day. You would never guess what I did. Well... you maybe have. You always know what I do. I have been a good enviromentalist! But today has been good for the most part.
Listening to Tyler Ward ( http://www.youtube.com/user/TylerWardMusic#p/u/5/-QRAa7_NeIE ) which he is awesome! I would have his babies any day of the week - actually not really but I would love to reproduce with him and his great body but minus the having his babies haha. Thought you would love to know that. Maybe you didn't... oh well. You gotta agree, he is damn fine. And he lives here in Colorado. :D
Now I know I must answer then annoying parental question (by the way, does this change when I move out? I would love you forever if that does): What have I learned today? You're gonna love this.
So I learned that Odontophobia is the fear of teeth. I would hate to be afraid of my teeth. And fake teeth... those things are already creepy enough as it is. Like that one time on American Pie: Book of Love when the old lady took them out so blow that one guy who couldn't get any... yeah... and then she died on his you know what.... thats a shitty way to die, just saying.
Yeah, uh-huh you know what it is . Black & Yellow Black & Yellow Black & Yellow Black & Yellow. Just needed to get that out.
I also learned that according to suicide statistics, Monday is the favored day for self-destruction. Now why Monday? Thats a shitty day. I would go with Wednesday. It's known as hump day. You were just done humping every week so you made it to the final hump and couldn't take it anymore. That would be the perfect reason. Well not really but still.
The most money ever paid for a cow in an auction was $1.3 million. Now, I hope to god a certain person didn't spend that much money on the cow they bought. Thats a rip off. Do you know how much off their shit we deal with. You can't recycle it!
Cats can hear ultrasound. How the hell do they know that? Do they have talking cats? I am not talking about catwoman.
I need to actually write a blog one day with an actual purpose.... NAH!
Questions before I go pass out in my room:
1. Now I know it's not normal to ask this mom but do you think people would think I am weird and be afraid if I barked at everyone who passes me tomorrow? I wanna really try that out.
2. What sounds better: Pasta or Philly Steaks?
3. If vodka was water and I was a duck, could I swim to the bottom and never come up? No water's not vodka and I'm not a duck. What the fuck ever, I need a duck.
Ah my life.
I <3 You mama.
Your weird child
Dear Mom [April 11th]
Dear Mom,
I'm hungry. I know, I am 20 years old, I can cook my own food but I am simply a lazy 20 year old. I would appreciate some eggs and onions with a bagel accompanied by a nice glass of tea. Sweet prefered. I will pay you back on Mother's day. Promise.
My Questions for the day since apparently mother's know everything (cause father's are always no where to be seen).
1. Why can't I call you Mahma? I got it from Hannah Montana just for you! Doesn't that show you how much I love you?
2. Would it be appropriate to Egg the Princess and Her Secret Lesbian Lover's cars at midnight in a batman costume? It sounds pretty enticing. I need to know so I can order my costume.
3. How do you feel about Pizza Rolls and Frosted Flakes? Sounds pretty fucking amazing.
4. Do you think it would be very appropriate to read a book called 365 positions of the year while on the plane with your boyfriend? I mean, I am really thinking that joining the Mile High club is the path for me.
Okay now on to the best part of the day: RANTING MY HEART OUT! <3
Topic of today? My dad. Oh shit, NO. I. DIDN'T! By the way, I know he is reading this. It's kind of like therapy. For the young and stupid but therapy non the less.Therapy sucks by the way. I hate when people try to disect your mind. My mind is at it's most fragile state currently. I need this brain thank you. Not really but in a couple years I may need it.
Dads... yeah. I have one but he isn't really a dad. He's a father. A biological term for the man. Just saying.
I really don't like his wife. Not many people do but that's okay cause I can live with that. What i cannot live with is his idiotic behavior when it comes to his child. Yes, I hold grudges and damn I can hold them for a long time. By the way dad, yes I am still mad at you. I just know how to hide it very well. just saying. Oh this will fuck me in the end but personally, I don't give a hell. I have lived most of my life with just knowing and having one parent, what is the rest of my life? Nothing is gonna change.
Now why don't I like this woman my father is married to? (This is going to be beautiful. Like a masterpiece). I shall write this part as if I am speaking to her (if I ever did talk to her like this I would probably do it behind a fence).
I do not like this female because first off, you are not my mother, nor did you ever take an effort to be a step mother to me. My dad paying child support is not being a parent. Just saying. I can get a couple parenting for step parents for you if you would like. Not like they are of any use now. Telling me that my FATHER can't go to my graduation was uncalled. How would you feel if I kidnapped my dad and shoved him in a closet on the day you two re-new your vow (God Help Me) and told you that you can't see him or have him? You'd want to beat my ass wouldn't you? Now take what you told me and combine that with the undying passion of strong (like venom) dislike I have for you after hearing my dad tell me that if I get married I have to invite his female in order for him to show up. Yeah, you are on the list of people I do not want me children being associated with. Forwarning by the way.
Now point two: No one I talk to who knows you (besides Grandma but her opinion doesn't count in this) likes you. But we know your feelings for us are all the same. I, non-secretly, wish my dad married Aaryka. Just saying. She's more my step mom then you. I really like talking to her and I enjoy her company and I would have had more to do with my dad then the entire time I got since you two got hitched.
Now I will stop there. No one wants to hear more about this. Plus I am trying to be nice.
What have I learned today? Nothing. Except my stomach is hungry. And my room is a mess. And I am deprived of human contact right now cause I do not want to get out of bed. Probably should. But its too much work... urgh. What a life.
Your amazingly dorky eldest (and coolest, admit it).
I'm hungry. I know, I am 20 years old, I can cook my own food but I am simply a lazy 20 year old. I would appreciate some eggs and onions with a bagel accompanied by a nice glass of tea. Sweet prefered. I will pay you back on Mother's day. Promise.
My Questions for the day since apparently mother's know everything (cause father's are always no where to be seen).
1. Why can't I call you Mahma? I got it from Hannah Montana just for you! Doesn't that show you how much I love you?
2. Would it be appropriate to Egg the Princess and Her Secret Lesbian Lover's cars at midnight in a batman costume? It sounds pretty enticing. I need to know so I can order my costume.
3. How do you feel about Pizza Rolls and Frosted Flakes? Sounds pretty fucking amazing.
4. Do you think it would be very appropriate to read a book called 365 positions of the year while on the plane with your boyfriend? I mean, I am really thinking that joining the Mile High club is the path for me.
Okay now on to the best part of the day: RANTING MY HEART OUT! <3
Topic of today? My dad. Oh shit, NO. I. DIDN'T! By the way, I know he is reading this. It's kind of like therapy. For the young and stupid but therapy non the less.Therapy sucks by the way. I hate when people try to disect your mind. My mind is at it's most fragile state currently. I need this brain thank you. Not really but in a couple years I may need it.
Dads... yeah. I have one but he isn't really a dad. He's a father. A biological term for the man. Just saying.
I really don't like his wife. Not many people do but that's okay cause I can live with that. What i cannot live with is his idiotic behavior when it comes to his child. Yes, I hold grudges and damn I can hold them for a long time. By the way dad, yes I am still mad at you. I just know how to hide it very well. just saying. Oh this will fuck me in the end but personally, I don't give a hell. I have lived most of my life with just knowing and having one parent, what is the rest of my life? Nothing is gonna change.
Now why don't I like this woman my father is married to? (This is going to be beautiful. Like a masterpiece). I shall write this part as if I am speaking to her (if I ever did talk to her like this I would probably do it behind a fence).
I do not like this female because first off, you are not my mother, nor did you ever take an effort to be a step mother to me. My dad paying child support is not being a parent. Just saying. I can get a couple parenting for step parents for you if you would like. Not like they are of any use now. Telling me that my FATHER can't go to my graduation was uncalled. How would you feel if I kidnapped my dad and shoved him in a closet on the day you two re-new your vow (God Help Me) and told you that you can't see him or have him? You'd want to beat my ass wouldn't you? Now take what you told me and combine that with the undying passion of strong (like venom) dislike I have for you after hearing my dad tell me that if I get married I have to invite his female in order for him to show up. Yeah, you are on the list of people I do not want me children being associated with. Forwarning by the way.
Now point two: No one I talk to who knows you (besides Grandma but her opinion doesn't count in this) likes you. But we know your feelings for us are all the same. I, non-secretly, wish my dad married Aaryka. Just saying. She's more my step mom then you. I really like talking to her and I enjoy her company and I would have had more to do with my dad then the entire time I got since you two got hitched.
Now I will stop there. No one wants to hear more about this. Plus I am trying to be nice.
What have I learned today? Nothing. Except my stomach is hungry. And my room is a mess. And I am deprived of human contact right now cause I do not want to get out of bed. Probably should. But its too much work... urgh. What a life.
Your amazingly dorky eldest (and coolest, admit it).
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Dear Mom [April 10th 2011]
Dear Mom,
Urgh. I am so awake and I dunno why. My phone isn't going off the hook like normal with text messages or my facebook which as you comment on, isn't very normal. What am I going to do?! I don't need to be up in the morning and I am pretty much wide awake since my power nap at my boyfriend's house today. Dumb.
I'm going to answer one of those really ridiculous questions that you mother's always feel the need to ask after we get home: what have I learned today? Well since I didn't go to school (thank god), I guess my answer will have to be about my life.
I have learned guys are idiots, smoking pot is fun, beer tastes like shit til you get past the taste and just drink it like its cough syrup and... my legs are all bruised.
1. How the fuck did I get these bruises though? Like, seriously! I know I bruise like a peach but what am I? A fucking gushy peach? I'm no longer white. I am white, blue, black, purple, yellow (like puke yellow ew) and green. Call this fun? No guy likes that. Unless their into that freaky fetish...
2. Guys & Pot. My guy smokes alot of pot. I learned I am an enviromentalist. I like contact high. Will it show up on my pee test? That would suck. And how in hell do you read that in a test? Why would someone want to read your pee anyways? That would be the worst job ever! I cannot see any kid growing up saying, "When I grow up, I want to read people's pee!" What if you dropped the pee all over you? Ew.
2 (Part II). Guys are just natural born idiots. Once they been trained by society (and parents), then it's debatable. I should start a training program. They have one for women, did you know that? Those bastards. And they wonder why we aim for their nuts...
3. Why the fuck was beer created? It's like men (idiots that most are) peed in a bottle, capped it and gave it a friend as a frat prank and now they make fucking money off it! WTH? Well maybe pee and some vodka or really nasty shit. Not shit in perticular but you get my drift. Maybe non fruity flavored cough syrup. But cough syrup is disgusting. I hate the person who made cough syrup. Probably a man too.
I love this song ALL STAR by Smash Mouth. It's so old school. Just don't watch the music video. It's so dumb. You lose brain cells. Just saying. And everyone knows that after you put up with 3 teenagers, you won't have much to left to loose before the old folks home becomes a nearing destination. I'll find you a nice place when that happens. Maybe it'll come will a pool boy even though there are no pools.
Forewarning: I am drinking this weekend. Please make sure you have enough advil, water and pillows. Because when I get home (depending on how I get home whether it be crawling, carried or be dragged because I refuse to move and my boyfriend doesn't want to carry me) I will be hungover like a motherfucker. And that will not be a pretty sight. If we have any paper bags in the house, I advise you have one in hand when I get home... actually make that two. One to barf in and one to hide in.
Oh I also have a list of questions for you. I have been collecting them on my foot. It's all written on my foot. And you thought writing on your skin in sharpie was a bad thing. Tisk Tisk.
1. Why my dad? I mean, the mans an idiot for christ's sake. Yes, christ has an opinion. It's a frequent thing we talk about.
2. Are you still up for buying me condoms whenever I need them? I can give you the type I like most. It'll make your trip into the store short. Oh and a lot less awkward talk. Just saying.
3. What is the point of facebook and blogging? I mean, I am not against sharing my life with a zillion other people but I hate listening to people being whiney bitches about their failed lives. Can't they report on something cool like, good parties? Nope.
4. How would you feel about Scott getting a sex change? I think it's be about damn time. Maybe for once my brother won't bring a crazy psychotic weirdo girlfriend and actually bring a sexy male model. I wouldn't mind his potential future boyfriend staying the night. Or me living at home for a bit longer. Some nice man meat... I promise I won't eat him...
5. What kind of charges can I be brought up on for walking into a store with a ski mask? Can I fake an allergy to flourescent lights? I really want to see if I can do that... I think I need to get on wikipedia now.
Well it's been a great night/morning. I'm gonna watch this lady get sexual in this music video and may try not to eat your food here on the table next to me.
Thanks for putting up with me.
Poof.
Your Annoying Oldest
PS: Have CLUB crackers available when I am hungover please. Those are my favorite.
Urgh. I am so awake and I dunno why. My phone isn't going off the hook like normal with text messages or my facebook which as you comment on, isn't very normal. What am I going to do?! I don't need to be up in the morning and I am pretty much wide awake since my power nap at my boyfriend's house today. Dumb.
I'm going to answer one of those really ridiculous questions that you mother's always feel the need to ask after we get home: what have I learned today? Well since I didn't go to school (thank god), I guess my answer will have to be about my life.
I have learned guys are idiots, smoking pot is fun, beer tastes like shit til you get past the taste and just drink it like its cough syrup and... my legs are all bruised.
1. How the fuck did I get these bruises though? Like, seriously! I know I bruise like a peach but what am I? A fucking gushy peach? I'm no longer white. I am white, blue, black, purple, yellow (like puke yellow ew) and green. Call this fun? No guy likes that. Unless their into that freaky fetish...
2. Guys & Pot. My guy smokes alot of pot. I learned I am an enviromentalist. I like contact high. Will it show up on my pee test? That would suck. And how in hell do you read that in a test? Why would someone want to read your pee anyways? That would be the worst job ever! I cannot see any kid growing up saying, "When I grow up, I want to read people's pee!" What if you dropped the pee all over you? Ew.
2 (Part II). Guys are just natural born idiots. Once they been trained by society (and parents), then it's debatable. I should start a training program. They have one for women, did you know that? Those bastards. And they wonder why we aim for their nuts...
3. Why the fuck was beer created? It's like men (idiots that most are) peed in a bottle, capped it and gave it a friend as a frat prank and now they make fucking money off it! WTH? Well maybe pee and some vodka or really nasty shit. Not shit in perticular but you get my drift. Maybe non fruity flavored cough syrup. But cough syrup is disgusting. I hate the person who made cough syrup. Probably a man too.
I love this song ALL STAR by Smash Mouth. It's so old school. Just don't watch the music video. It's so dumb. You lose brain cells. Just saying. And everyone knows that after you put up with 3 teenagers, you won't have much to left to loose before the old folks home becomes a nearing destination. I'll find you a nice place when that happens. Maybe it'll come will a pool boy even though there are no pools.
Forewarning: I am drinking this weekend. Please make sure you have enough advil, water and pillows. Because when I get home (depending on how I get home whether it be crawling, carried or be dragged because I refuse to move and my boyfriend doesn't want to carry me) I will be hungover like a motherfucker. And that will not be a pretty sight. If we have any paper bags in the house, I advise you have one in hand when I get home... actually make that two. One to barf in and one to hide in.
Oh I also have a list of questions for you. I have been collecting them on my foot. It's all written on my foot. And you thought writing on your skin in sharpie was a bad thing. Tisk Tisk.
1. Why my dad? I mean, the mans an idiot for christ's sake. Yes, christ has an opinion. It's a frequent thing we talk about.
2. Are you still up for buying me condoms whenever I need them? I can give you the type I like most. It'll make your trip into the store short. Oh and a lot less awkward talk. Just saying.
3. What is the point of facebook and blogging? I mean, I am not against sharing my life with a zillion other people but I hate listening to people being whiney bitches about their failed lives. Can't they report on something cool like, good parties? Nope.
4. How would you feel about Scott getting a sex change? I think it's be about damn time. Maybe for once my brother won't bring a crazy psychotic weirdo girlfriend and actually bring a sexy male model. I wouldn't mind his potential future boyfriend staying the night. Or me living at home for a bit longer. Some nice man meat... I promise I won't eat him...
5. What kind of charges can I be brought up on for walking into a store with a ski mask? Can I fake an allergy to flourescent lights? I really want to see if I can do that... I think I need to get on wikipedia now.
Well it's been a great night/morning. I'm gonna watch this lady get sexual in this music video and may try not to eat your food here on the table next to me.
Thanks for putting up with me.
Poof.
Your Annoying Oldest
PS: Have CLUB crackers available when I am hungover please. Those are my favorite.
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